Muy Bonita!

Seriously, my children are beautiful! And I don't think that only because they are MY children. Obviously there is a bias, however I truly do think they are beautiful girls. Olivia has been a beauty from the beginning, and so has Sarah, but Sarah was just so little and fragile looking too. As she gets older and bigger she gets more beautiful. Everyday Chris and I just stare at her and comment on how beautiful she is getting. I wonder what they'll look like when they get older. I hope the good looks stick haha.

You know, I am loving them as babies, but part of me can't wait for them to get older. I am so curious about what they'll be like. I am really excited to hear their little voices. I wonder what their hair will be like--curly or straight or fro (like me). I wonder what color their eyes will be, and if they'll have straight teeth. I wonder if they'll be kind of chubby like I was, or way skinny like Chris. I wonder if they'll be prone to getting sick or not. I wonder about their temperment, and if they'll be easy to potty train. I just can't wait to get to know them really. It's such an exciting time.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of mother I want to be. Obviously I've had a lot of time to think about this and it's been on my mind since the second I found out I was pregnant. Also, we've been foster parents for about 2 years now so I know what kind of mother I've been to those kids. However, it is COMPLETELY different when it's your own biological, raising them since they were born, children. For my own children, I want to be a strict mother but not too strict. I don't want that to be my like dominant attitude toward them. I want to have well behaved children, who know just by a look that I give them they had better behave. At the same time i don't want them to be scared of me. I want them to feel comfortable talking to me about things, even if those things are mistakes they've made. I don't want them to be afraid to tell me things because they don't want to get in trouble--I'm talking like serious stuff here not like sneaking candy or whatever. I'm kind of thinking forward to when they are teenagers. I just want to have a good relationship with them, that involves trust and openness and grace. I want them to feel like they need to behave and be good girls but at the same time if they've made a mistake I want them to feel like they can come to me about it. I want to make sure I accept them for exactly who they are and I want to parent each child they way that particular child needs to be parented. What I mean by that is that there are some children who need lots of discipline and they need a lot of guidance and sometimes even a lot of control. There are other children who don't need that though, they need support and trust and to be given the opportunity to kind of make their own mistakes--more of a free spirited I am not going to ground you but I'm really disappointed in you kind of approach. I think it's important to get to know your kids and what works best for each child. This is especially true with twins. Although, it's hard to do that because of the whole fairness factor and having the same rules for both children is important too. So, there is a fine line to be found.
I will tell you what though, I will not have bratty children. I also won't be the family in the restaurant with screaming kids, or have the kids who are running around everywhere disturbing everyone. Mine will not talk back, and they will be respectful. I really can't stand seeing kids misbehave and their parents just ignore it as if it's OK for a child to behave badly or rudely. It's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. You may laugh at me and think 'you just wait' but I've have had children in my home for the last two years--and they've all be well behaved while they lived with me. It's about consistency and the kids having clear expectations of consequences. Consistency goes a long way!
My worry about the fact that they are my biological kids as opposed to foster, is that I am so in love with them I'm afraid they'll just have me wrapped around their little finger. I don't want to say no to them or allow them to be sad. Oh well, we will see. I think the fact that I am so conscious about it will help me a lot.

Well this blog got a lot deeper than expected. haha.
I need to take a nap while my babies are sleeping so I'm out.